There are many ways to put assertiveness into practice, specific tools and techniques can be very powerful in helping you gain confidence and happier more secure relationships. You can find a number of these methods in the book How Kind People Get Tough, along with case studies and the online free companion course
In the meantime, I’m going to share with you 3 tips from the book.
These tips are about Mastering the Art of Saying No – something that we all struggle with!
Stop telling yourself that you can’t say no
If you keep telling yourself something it reinforces the belief that it must be true. Next time you catch yourself saying, or thinking
I’m not good at saying No, do the following:
Don’t try to push that thought away because resisting it will only make it stronger. Instead, notice the thought and follow it up with something like
“I haven’t been good at saying ‘No’, but I’m learning how to get better at it now”
How Kind People Get Tough is out Autumn 2019
Full of case studies, tools and techniques from 25 years helping clients gain confidence and happy secure relationships
Register to be the first to pre-order and find out more here
Learn to Shut up!
Sometimes communication is simply about handing someone a message. Full stop. They may come back with an opposing point of view - but letting go of the need to engage in conversation about it is very powerful indeed. If you’re clear in your mind about what you want to say, you only really need to say it once, possibly twice.
If you keep saying the same thing over and over, the other person just hears nagging and white noise. So just say what you need to say, and then shut up!
If you find it difficult to say No to a specific person, or in specific situations, start a practice of saying No to smaller things.
I’m not suggesting you stubbornly say ‘No’ to every little request but consider those times when you automatically say ‘Yes’ where you could say ‘No’.
Practice your small ‘No’s and your subconscious will get used to the idea that saying ‘No’ is an ok and normal thing to do.
It will also prepare others for the more challenging ‘No’s’
These are simple tips but start practicing them now, and you’ll see a big difference in your confidence, your relationships, your success – all of your life!