Worry – it’s something we all do from time to time. Sometimes we have good reason to worry; for example, if we‘re concerned about our finances, or anxious about a job interview, or we’ve fallen out with a friend. There can be lots of life events that cause us to fret, and thankfully we now have self-help tools such as Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) which work wonders in reducing stress, rapidly.
However, there’s another type of worry. A sort of worry that becomes a habit. Not only is it a habit, but those things we worry about are mostly illogical. When we have this habit, we tend to follow a pattern:
Worry – Reassure – Seek out another thing to worry about
I call this Obsessive-Compulsive Worry(OCW).
Just as a person with OCD may need to reassure themselves by checking and repeating behaviours, so we follow a similar pattern with Obsessive-Compulsive Worrying.
You see, it’s not the actual things we’re worried about that are the cause of our distress: it’s the underlying fear itself.
How People Get Into The Habit Of Obsessive Compulsive Worrying
There are three very logical, yet deeply subconscious, reasons we get into the habit of Obsessive-Compulsive Worry:
1. Observing Others
The first reason is that once upon a time, in our early childhood, we learnt that worrying was a normal way for people to think and feel. We did this through observing caregivers – perhaps anxious parents who were never fully relaxed and confident.
2. Believing We Don’t Deserve to be Happy
The second reason is because we hold a limiting belief, again often learnt in childhood, that we don’t deserve to be happy. This means that every time life feels good, we seek out something wrong (and remember this is deeply subconscious) in order to validate the belief that happiness isn't for us.
3. Keeping Our Guard Up
Somewhere along the line we’ve had experiences that have made us mistrust happiness. We’re afraid to let our guard down because if something bad happens, we won’t be prepared for it.
The third reason is because somewhere along the line we’ve had a series of small traumas, or one big trauma (again often in childhood), that have made us mistrust happiness. We’re afraid to let our guard down because if something bad happens, we won’t be prepared for it. Deep down we figure that it’s far easier to choose unhappiness, rather than have a shock—at least that way we'll feel more in control.
You’ll have noted that each of these has its roots in limiting beliefs – and the wonderful thing is that with modern day Energy Psychologies such as EFT we can access the subconscious and weed out these unhelpful beliefs.
Building Trust
Along with letting go of the limiting ideas that have been causing your worry, there's another great way to help yourself. It’s a subject I often introduce in my sessions with clients. It’s simply learning to love yourself.
You see when you love yourself, you get to step back from those limiting beliefs. Love flows into your life and replaces your constant worrying—with happiness and well-being.
Loving yourself means that you start to feel very secure, very strong and very confident. It means that you can relax and trust in providing your own happiness; and if something comes along to upset that – well, you know you’ll handle it.
You can love yourself through specific practices of self-kindness, self-acceptance, and self-worth.
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