John was by nature a very untidy person. His partner Annette was the opposite; almost to the point of OCD ... they would joke about this in happier times.
The problem was that Annette would arrive home after a busy day and find their home in a terrible mess. In frustration she would say something to John along the lines of
‘Why do you have to make such a mess, can’t you ever clean up properly!’
John would get very defensive. He had very often been bullied by his father, and so Annette's angry words would bring him right back to feeling like that small frightened little boy.
In defense he would come out with:
'Why do you have to attack me?! Why do you always have to make me feel so bad!’
And so the conversation would go around and around; usually ending up in a row that neither of them had wanted.
Do people truly 'make you feel' or do they trigger old feelings?
When John learned to change his words to:
‘When you say that it triggers distressing emotions from my past. Can we discuss this in a way that feels less stressful for me?’
This one phrase broke the cycle of their destructive communication. By using these more effective words John was no longer accusing Annette of 'making him feel. Instead he was taking owwnership of his own past experiences and feelings and being very authentic about that.
Annette was able to see the bigger picture and have some compassion for John. They were able to move forward to healthier communication, a happier relationship - and a tidier house!
The words we use make a huge impact on the quality of our relationships.
Having some Power Phrases ready to use can help you have much calmer and more productive conversations.
The words we use make a huge impact on the quality of our relationships.
That's why I developed 52 Power Phrases for Tricky Conversations. Based on over 25 years expertise helping people gain self-esteem, confidence and happier relationships.
The pack includes:
• Video: How to use your Power Phrases
• 14 x Power Phrases for Dealing with Conflict
• 12 x Power Phrases for Earning Respect
• 12 x Power Phrases for Reclaiming Time
• 14 x Power Phrases for Reconnecting
Plus Bonus: 4 Alternative Communication Tips
Get your Power Phrases pack ...and start having happier, more empowered relationships from now!
