“I know I could be kinder to myself – but I’m not sure how to do that?”
This is what my clients often say when they come to see the value of a little more self-kindness.
Forgetting to be kind to ourselves is a common thing. We all do it to some extent. Particularly if life has been challenging – it can be easy to slip into the habit of “being strong” to try and cope with difficulties.
Yet being so hard on ourselves makes life much more difficult than it need be. It means we often don’t see simple answers to problems because we expect life to be a struggle. It also means we miss out on opportunities for support from others because we’re so used to going it alone!
Self-kindness, however, means we give ourselves a break; we take the easier path and we ask for help when we need it. Life improves in leaps and bound from the moment we start being kinder to ourselves.
But while we can see it’s a great idea, it’s often a bit puzzling how to get started on this new way of being, it can even seem a bit overwhelming.
The following is an exercise from my latest book: Out Of Fear Into Love: Life doesn’t have to be a struggle
Because I’m Being Kind
One powerful and yet very simple self-kindness exercise, which I’ve used to help many people over the years, is called ‘Because I’m Being Kind.’ This exercise involves focusing on the self-kindness you’re already practicing in your life. It’s a great way to bring self-kindness in because it takes away any apprehension about having to start something new, or ‘getting it right.’ You’re already doing it and you’ve already been getting it right—all you need to do now is notice it.
These little noticings work like magic—I’ve had many, many people over the years tell me they’re amazed at the feeling of loving energy that comes over them as they pay attention to them. Here are some suggestions to get you started. When you brush your teeth, look into the mirror and purposefully say to yourself:
‘I’m brushing my teeth because I know they’re worth looking
after. I’m doing this because I’m being kind to myself and I’m
After you’ve cooked a meal and you’re eating it, think to yourself:
‘I’m feeding myself this lovely meal because I know I’m worth
looking after—I’m doing this because I’m being kind to myself
and I’m loveable.’
As you go to bed at night, think to yourself:
‘I’m getting some rest now because I know that it’s a good idea
to be healthy and I’m being kind to myself, because that’s how
I want to live my life.’
These suggestions may seem almost too simple—yet so often our heads are filled with thoughts on what’s going wrong and how unhappy we are with ourselves. By focusing on these small acts of self-kindness, we’re tuning into the support of love’s power.This magical power is always there for us; there’s really no need to worry and fret as we so often tend to do.
And as we keep focusing on these small acts, this loving energy expands more, and more, and more, as new ideas for self-kindness present themselves to us. That’s when we start to feel stronger, that’s when our relationships improve and our confidence soars.
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+34 602 489 656
+44 7429 440968
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