Why Many People Find Life A Struggle And How To Break The Cycle

A lot of my new clients tell me that they find life a struggle.

They experience this in different ways; in their relationships, with work, finances, health or emotional well-being. 

And often people tell me that no sooner do they overcome one problem than another pops up.

Do you relate?  

I can share that this was me for a long time. I used to look at those people who seemed to be having an easier life and wonder what their secret was?

Then one day it dawned on me. They expected to have an easier life, and so they did!

In time I trained as a therapist and learnt just how powerful our thoughts, beliefs and expectations can be. I came to see that many people find life a struggle because they have formed a struggle mindset

To have a struggle mindset means we often approach life from the perspective of having to overcome hassles and burdens.  We don't tend to notice the easier path, because we're so busy firefighting and proving that we can manage and cope and be resilient. 

And because we always take the harder path, we have more difficult experiences, and so we keep reinforcing the ingrained belief that life must be a struggle.

It's very common!

There's a good reason that we find life a struggle.

This ‘struggling on’ idea often starts very early in life. Many of us get the message from our caregivers that it's not okay to take the easier path. Life is hard and we have to get on with it!

Sometimes things can happen in the early years that leave a child believing that they have to be extra strong and rely only on themselves. 

At some deep level, they make the decision that if they can manage the hardest path in life then they can guarantee to manage anything!

That makes a lot of sense in those early years when there's no other way to manage life.

By adulthood though it becomes a self-sabotaging pattern because all that efforting and battling on just places us under stress. It basically puts us in a constant state of survival so there's no room left to be calm and allow creativity to flow.

So while we may think that striving and proving will make us more confident and successful in life, all we’re really doing is sabotaging our own success. 

We become addicted to struggle.

Strange as this may sound though, struggling can become addictive because every time a problem comes up in life, the little child within can feel an excited anticipation that ‘here is a chance to prove I can cope with it!’

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Maybe you relate to this? If so, you're certainly not alone!

How to break the struggle cycle.

To break the struggle cycle; the first thing to do is to soothe your little child within. Speak to them in your thoughts, or out loud. 

Give them kind and loving words. Reassure them that life has moved on and they no longer have to be extra strong. There's nothing to prove. They are loved.

The next thing to do is to ask yourself one of the powerful questions from my book:

7 Questions Highly Confident People Ask themselves.

That question is simply: What would this look like if it were easier?

As you do so you’ll begin to relax. Inspired thoughts will come. You'll feel lighter as you begin to recognise that there are options other than taking the harder path.  

Get into the habit of asking yourself this question, and in time, seeing easier options will become natural to you.

You'll stop having one problem after another, and instead have one successful and happy experience after another!

And as always to my lovely community, much kind love 🙂

PS. Want to know what the other six questions are?