The 90/10 Rule For a Happier Life

It’s often the case that if we feel unsure of ourselves, or lack confidence it’s because we’re seeking a great deal of reassurance from outside of ourselves via other people. Its not at all uncommon to seek approval and spend time pleasing others in the hope that this will bring us the reward of being accepted and liked and then we feel we can be happy—but this only lasts for a while until the next time we feel not good enough and need validation again.

Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting approval from others, that’s human nature

The problem is that if we expect the greater part of our happiness and sense of being good enough, to come from outside of ourselves, it makes it very hard to maintain. It places us at the mercy of other people’s moods and state of mind.

But they’re just human beings like us; changeable people with busy lives and needs of their own. So it’s not helpful to be reliant on other people to provide our emotional well-being for us because we can often end up feeling let down.

One great way to guarantee feeling confident and happy is to follow what I call the

90/10 percent rule

It’s useful  to stop to consider just how much of your happiness you tend to seek from others and how much happiness you’re providing for yourself.

It’s Hard To Be Happy When:

What would your percentages be?

The more we love ourselves, accept ourselves and connect inwardly, the happier we will feel. In fact it’s very easy to feel happy when you are the one who is choosing how you think and behave toward yourself.
One way of thinking of this is that you can always be your very best friend. You can choose how you speak to yourself, how you treat yourself. When the larger percentage of your happiness comes from how you are towards yourself and the smaller percentage is dependent on others you automatically become much happier.

It’s Very Easy To Be Happy When:

How much are you looking outwards for self-assurance and validation? How much self-assurance do you offer yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do you value yourself? If you are seeking a lot of your happiness from outside of yourself, you can begin to make small changes by answering the following questions:

  • What ways can I start speaking to myself that will help me to feel more confident?
  • Am I kind in the way I think to myself?
  • Do I often judge and criticise myself?
  • In what ways can I start treating myself that will help me feel more loved? What habits can I look at altering?
  • What can I do to nurture my body and my health?
  • Do I need to remind myself that I’m good enough?

The more we learn to love ourselves the more we’re paying attention to receiving happiness from within. And the better the relationship we have with our own self, the better the relationships we have with others because we’re are no longer reliant on others to make us feel good – those relationships then become pleasant, ‘icing on the cake’, an enhancement in our life rather than a necessity for our happiness.

Would you like some one-to-one sessions with me?

I offer face-to-face counselling and therapy sessions for individuals and couples in Mijas Costa, Malaga

I also offer online sessions across the Costa del Sol and worldwide via Skype or Zoom


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+44 7429 440968

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