I Want to Forgive But It Feels Like Giving In

Have you experienced hurt or betrayal in your life, and the thought of forgiving that person seems impossible? Maybe on some level you know that forgiving them would set you free and help you get on with the rest of your life - but you just can't seem to get there? If this is where you're at right now, you're certainly not alone. Having helped many clients let go of what they've been holding on to, I can share that it is possible to begin a process of forgiving.

Why do I find it so hard to forgive?

You may be asking yourself. 'Why do I find it so hard to forgive?' One of the reasons we find it hard to forgive is that we confuse forgiveness with condoning. This is often a sticking point. We can have the idea that forgiving someone would mean we were condoning what they've done; saying that it was okay. 

But it's important to realise that forgiveness isn't about forgetting or pretending that what happened was okay. It's about acknowledging the pain and at the same time choosing to release it, for your own sake.

In this sense forgiveness is a way of taking back control of your emotions, your thoughts - how you experience your own life going forward.

Forgiveness isn't About The Other Person

It's helpful to consider that forgiveness isn't about the other person, it's about you. Like many people, you may be holding on to something which is only really hurting yourself because the person who caused the hurt may not see it as a problem, or may have long forgotten it—while you're still carrying it every day.

But I’m scared I’ll get hurt again

Sometimes clients tell me: 'But what if I forgive them and then I get hurt again?' This is such a valid fear. But forgiveness and protecting yourself are two separate things. You can forgive someone and still set good boundaries. Learning how to set clear, confident boundaries is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.

And if you'd like help with that, my free weekly tips, Find Courage To Be You, are for you. Tell me where to send them in the form below and join a community of people who are getting the very best from their life and relationships.