How to Stop Being Arrogant: Understanding the Difference Between Self-Love and Arrogance

Do you struggle with the idea of self-love because you fear it will make you become arrogant?

Like many therapists and coaches across the world, I advocate that a great step towards a happier life is learning to let go of fear and start practicing more self-love. This is because I've seen just how powerful self-love can be in overcoming problems.

However sometimes when I suggest this to my clients, they tell me:

'But wouldn’t loving myself make me conceited and arrogant?'

It’s a common misconception. But the truth is that arrogance doesn’t come from loving oneself. Arrogance comes from a lack of self-love, from a place of fear, which is the opposite of love.

How to Stop Being Arrogant

When we forget to focus on loving ourselves, we tend to seek that love from others instead. That often leads to trying too hard to prove ourselves in order to earn their validation. This behavior can make us appear show-offy and arrogant.

It also means we compare ourselves with others a lot because we're not fully loving and accepting ourselves as we are. Of course, we can’t help but make some comparisons between ourselves and others. It’s only human nature to do so. But if you're often thinking “I’m better than you / you’re better than me” that's not helpful because such comparisons won't allow you to feel good enough just as you are. 

Once you start providing love and validation for yourself, there’s really no need to compare yourself with anyone else. Remember, loving yourself can never make you arrogant or conceited. In fact, it makes you more self-assured, confident and likeable.