How to Say No to Your Adult Child Without Feeling Guilty
Is your relationship with your adult child fraught with tension?
Do you find yourselves stuck in a constant push-pull? They back off, wanting space, but then keep coming back needing your help. While you give in out of guilt, but then resent having to sacrifice your time, energy, even money.
Many parents tell me they find themselves caught in this cycle between feeling responsible for their grown-up child's happiness, yet wanting to set better boundaries.
Typical ways parents give in to their adult child
Parents tell me:
- I give them money because I don't like seeing them struggling. I tell myself I'll bail them out this one last time .
- I'm constantly at the end of the phone, being there to listen to their problems when really I'm tired and I need more time for myself.
- Much as I love spending time with my grandkids, it seems like I'm always being expected to be on call, dropping everything to babysit.
If these sorts of situations are familiar you may find yourself thinking: Am I being mean if I say no? Surely I should be able to have time for my own needs, now that they're grown up. But then again ...
And maybe, like many parents, you lie awake at night going over conversations you've had with your son, or daughter, wondering if you could have said or done something different. You feel stuck and don't know how to change things.
If this is where you're at right now, let me reassure you that it's perfectly normal - the parent to adult-child relationship can often be complex. For many years you've been responsible for their happiness, so it's only natural that things become complicated and confusing as they become a different person.
But now it's time to make the transition into having a more equally balanced adult-adult type of relationship with them.
How to have a better relationship with your adult child.
The answer lies in getting good at setting boundaries and communicating them clearly—without that pang of guilt and anxiety every time you say no. Make a start by taking the people-pleasing quiz
Start by taking the people-pleasing quiz
We all have people-pleasing habits that make it hard to speak up and set boundaries. You might overgive or step in to rescue because you feel responsible. Or perhaps you go along with other people's expectations rather than speaking your own needs.
When you get clear on which people-pleasing habits show up most for you, you can use the right approach to overcome them.
Start by taking the quiz to discover your scores, and I'll send you professional guidance on how to set boundaries with confidence, so you can overcome people-pleasing and have relationships where you're more seen, heard and valued.
