Are Your Past Relationships Affecting Your Current One?
Do you relate to the following? You start a new relationship and everything is perfect. However, over time small things start to niggle and eventually lead to arguments. Perhaps you feel disrespected, mistrustful, or experience anger or even abuse. Despite your efforts to resolve things, you find yourself going around in circles, facing the same relationship problems you've had in the past.
We Bring Our Past Relationships Into Our Current Ones
So why do we face these repeated patterns? It's because we bring our experience of previous relationships into our current ones, especially those earliest relationships in childhood. Parents and other caregivers were the first people to teach us about relationships, and their words, tone of voice, moods, body language, and behaviour shaped our understanding of ourselves, others, and the world around us.
While some of these messages were positive, others may have been less helpful. As a result, we develop negative beliefs and incorrect notions about what to expect from relationships.
How To Tell If Your Past Relationships Are Affecting You
Some signs that your early childhood relationships are influencing your adult relationships include a lack of trust, being overly competitive, engaging in power struggles, trying too hard to please, not asking for support, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, and struggling to communicate your needs.
It can be tough to break out of patterns that have been ingrained since childhood, but with the help of a therapist, it's possible to identify and work through these issues. By taking the time to explore and understand your beliefs and expectations about relationships, you can begin to let go of those relationships that don't serve you and attract the kind of healthy relationships you deserve.
A helpful way to begin noticing your belief patterns
Take a pen and paper and jot down the following questions and your answers.
When this person does, or doesn’t ……… it makes me feel ……….
A much earlier time in my life I can recall this feeling was ………..
And I was scared / worried that ……………….
Now I often expect that .............
Most people will see a pattern between what they experienced as a child and what they now expect from their adult relationships.
Do you want to break free from the influence of the past and build happier and more secure relationships today?
Courage To Be You!
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