Why Other People Don’t Treat You As Well As You Treat Them

Have you ever found yourself thinking, Why don’t other people treat me as well as I treat them?

You're kind, thoughtful, always offering a helping hand, but instead of appreciation, you’re left feeling overlooked. It can feel confusing and unfair when you go out of your way for others, only to be met with indifference or being taken for granted. 

Take Amanda, for example. She was always eager to support her friends; offering to babysit, helping with decorating, walking their dogs, and feeding their cats. She gave her time and energy generously, believing that her kindness would be reciprocated.

But more often than not, her friends took her for granted.

I try really hard to be nice, she told me, but they still treat me like a doormat.

Amanda thought she was simply being helpful. But over time, she began to realise that her actions weren’t just about kindness — they were driven by people-pleasing.

Like many people, Amanada was putting others first in the hope of earning their approval and to be neeed and wanted. Deep down, she believed her value came from being useful, agreeable, and always available.

People-pleasing is very common, but it means we end up saying yes when we don't really want to, we take on other people’s problems, or stay quiet when something isnt right.

We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves

When we people-please, we unintentionally signal that we don’t value our own time, energy, or needs. And so others often pick up on that signal and respond accordingly.

This was what Amanda was doing. Quite without realising it, she was teaching people that her needs didn’t matter.

The turning point came when Amanda realised that if she wanted others to treat her well, she first needed to treat herself with the same kindness and respect. By recognising and overcoming her people-pleasing patterns, she began to value herself more, and in time the people in her life picked up on that and followed suit.