How To Break The People Pleasing Habit

Are you fed up with constantly having to put other's needs before your own? Perhaps you feel guilty if you say no? You worry what others will think of you? Maybe you struggle to set boundaries, and stick to them?

Most of us get caught up in people-pleasing on occasion. However, when we spend a lot of time trying not to rock the boat, taking responsibility for other people’s happiness, and saying yes when we want to say no, we can end up being taken for granted, unheard and unhappy.

People-pleasing tends to show up as fear of rejection, self-esteem issues, and a tendency to seek validation from others. It doesn't help relationships - it makes them much worse, and it knocks your confidence. 

But there is hope! By developing healthy boundaries and learning to prioritise your own needs and desires, you can break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and live a more fulfilling life.

Are You Hyper-Aware Of The Needs Of Others?

If you're struggling with people-pleasing the first step to overcoming it is to recognise the triggers. People-pleasers tend to be hyper-aware of the needs and desires of others, often to the detriment of their own well-being.

Do you put others needs before your own, then end up feeling like you've given away all your time and - and maybe even feel a little resentful? If so you're not alone. Many get caught up in this cycle.

Fear of Rejection

Fear of rejection is another common feature of people-pleasing. As a people-pleaser, you may go to great lengths to avoid conflict or disagreement. That leads to a lack of boundaries and a tendency to take on responsibilities that aren't your own.

However once you start setting boundaries, you'll find that people respect you more and reject you less. And those that do reject you, well are they really the people you want in your life anyway?

Self-Esteem and Seeking Validation

If you keep feeling the need to please, it's likely because you want the approval of others. The more you rely on others for approval, the less confident you’ll be, and you’ll always have a tendency to second-guess your own decisions.

On the other hand, the more you set boundaries, the clearer you'll become about who you are and what you want and your self-esteem and confidence will begin to increase.

Learn to validate yourself as a powerful tool to increase your sense of self-worth and self-confidence that isn't dependent on the approval of others. You can do this by often speaking kindly to yourself, being more self-accepting and compassionate.