Life Always Seems To Be A Struggle? Here’s How To Break The Cycle

A lot of my new clients tell me they find life a struggle.

It shows up in different ways; in relationships, work, finances, health, or emotional well-being. And often, people say that just as one issue gets resolved, another pops up.

Do you relate?

I can share that this was me, too, for a long time.I’d look at people who seemed to be having an easier time and wonder, What’s their secret?

Then one day it dawned on me:They expected life to be easier — and so it was.

Later, as I trained as a therapist, I learned just how powerful our thoughts, beliefs and expectations really are. I came to see that many people don’t even see the easier path because they’re so used to firefighting, proving they can manage, cope, and stay resilient.

And because they keep taking the harder path, life brings more difficult experiences.

Each one seems to confirm the belief that life has to be a struggle.

But there’s a good reason we fall into this pattern

This ‘struggling on’ idea often starts very early in life. As small children, many of us get the message from our caregivers that it's not okay to take the easier path. Life is hard and we have to get on with it!

Sometimes things can happen in the early years that leave a child believing that they have to be extra strong and rely only on themselves. So at some deep level, they make the decision that if they can manage the hardest path in life then they can guarantee to manage anything. They will be okay.

So every time a problem comes up in life, the little child within us feels an anticipation - ‘Here's a chance for me to prove I can cope with this problem!’

It made a lot of sense in those early years when there was no other way to manage life. 

But by adulthood, this belief becomes a self-sabotaging pattern. All that efforting and battling on places us under stress. It leaves no space to feel calm and supported — and to allow inspiration and solutions to come to us.

Maybe you recognise yourself in this? If so, you’re certainly not alone.

To break the cycle of struggle, the first thing to do is soothe your little child within. Speak to them in your thoughts, or even out loud. 

Reassure them with words such as:

Life has moved on.

You don’t have to be extra strong anymore.

There’s nothing to prove. You are safe. You are loved.

I recommend you do this every day. This practise of speaking to yourself with love and kindness is incredibly powerful. It builds confidence, reduces stress, and opens the door to seeing the easier, more joyful path in life.