Overgiving Has Nothing To Do With How Much You Give

Amara came to see me because she’d had enough of feeling undervalued in her relationships. It seemed like everyone in her life took her for granted — her partner, her family, her friends, even people at work.

As our sessions progressed, it became clear that Amara was a classic overgiver. Like so many people, she had a tendency to give too much of herself; her time, energy, even money, as a way of feeling wanted and loved.

Overgiving is a people-pleasing pattern that many of us form in childhood, from the experiences we have and the messages we pick up about being a ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy.’

The problem is that in adult life, when we keep relying on pleasing others as a way to feel wanted and loved, we place our sense of worth in their hands. We can end up feeling taken for granted simply because that person is distracted by their own life and circumstances.

If you recognise yourself as an overgiver, you're not alone - many people tend to do this - but you can get past this unhelpful tendency so that you're more counted and valued by the people in your life.

When you fill up your own cup with self-kindness, you have a reserve of worthiness already in place, so that when you give to others it's coming from a place of confidence, rather from a need to feel wanted and loved.

Then, quite naturally, as others see this change in you, they'll start to follow suit and treat you with more appreciation.

A Self Reflective Question For You

How can I offer myself kindness and love today?