What To Do When Your Adult Child Keeps Asking For Money

When your adult child keeps asking you for money, it can be hard to know where to draw the line. You love them, you want them to be secure, but you also need to protect your own finances and your peace of mind.  

Many parents in this situation feel guilty, resentful, or afraid that saying no will damage the relationship. You might be questioning whether to give in, or to say no -  or even how to set boundaries.

If your son or daughter has reached adulthood, it’s important that they learn to manage money for themselves, rather than relying on you to be the Bank of Mum or Dad. You can empower them far more by understanding why they're not managing their money well and offering them guidance, instead of automatically handing over your own money.

It can be easy to think they’re just bad with money, or even lazy or irresponsible. But when we break it down, there are usually different reasons your adult child might be struggling. By understanding their own unique challenges, you can more easily help them find the right solution. Here are some key things to consider.

Why your adult child may be struggling with money

• Does your adult child lack knowledge about how to manage money, such as budgeting and setting financial goals?
• Do they understand the importance of setting aside money for emergencies?
• Is your son or daughter living beyond their means or struggling to manage spending?
• Are they overspending to keep up with friends or maintain a certain image?
• Have they built up debt from student loans, credit cards, or other sources?
• Is your grown-up child dealing with inconsistent or unstable income from their work?
• Are there emotional or mental health challenges – such as anxiety, depression, or addiction – that make it harder for them to budget, plan ahead, or make good decisions about money?
• Has your adult child been targeted by financial scams or fraud?
• Do they avoid managing money out of anxiety or fear of making mistakes?

Once you have a sense of why they are struggling, you can shift from repeatedly bailing them out to helping them build real independence.

How to respond when your adult child keeps asking for money

It’s natural to want to rescue them when they’re struggling. Many parents feel pangs of guilt that drive them to step in and bail their adult child out. But rescuing is a form of people-pleasing, and in the long run, it doesn’t help them learn or grow. That’s why it’s important to focus on encouraging their independence – for their sake and for yours too.

One of the most helpful ways to do this is to shift from rescuing them to supporting them.

There’s a difference between rescuing and supporting your adult child. Rescuing means stepping in to fix the problem for them. Rescuing might look like paying off their credit card again, covering their rent 'just this once', for the fifth time, or saying yes even when you feel anxious about your own finances. 

Supporting is about helping them deal with the problem themselves. It allows them to take responsibility, build confidence, and develop their own capability. Looking at our list of reasons your adult child might be struggling with money, here are examples of what supporting could look like.

• If they lack knowledge about managing money, supporting is helping them understand budgeting or pointing them towards simple tools or resources.
• If they don’t set money aside for emergencies, support could be having an open conversation about why this matters and helping them plan small, realistic steps to save.
• If they’re living beyond their means, supporting might involve helping them look at their spending and income honestly.
• If they’re overspending to keep up with friends or maintain an image, support could be helping them reflect on their priorities and values.
• If they’ve built up debt, supporting may mean helping them explore repayment options or encouraging them to seek financial advice from a professional, and attending the appointment with them.
• If their income is inconsistent, support could look like helping them think about more stable work options or planning for leaner months.
• If addiction is affecting their finances, supporting means getting them professional help.
• If depression or anxiety is affecting their financial decisions, support might involve encouraging emotional support or therapy.
• If they’ve been targeted by scams or fraud, supporting could be helping them understand what happened and how to protect themselves in future.
• If they avoid managing money because of anxiety or fear of mistakes, support might mean helping them find educational resources on managing money.

Supporting them in these ways is the absolute best way to set good boundaries without worrying or feeling guilty. It helps you strike a balance between being kind and helpful, while still not jumping in and bailing them out.

To put this into words, you might say something like: 'I love you and I want you to be secure, but I’m no longer able to keep giving you money. I’m happy to sit down with you and look at your budget or help you find some professional guidance.'