What To Do When Your Adult Child Keeps Asking For Money

As our children grow into adulthood we naturally want to support and nurture them in every way we can. After all, the role of being a parent never ends, and helping them navigate their financial needs is part of that role. However it can be an emotional and challenging experience; especially when, like many, they struggle to manage their finances.

There are a number of reasons that adult children may face problems when it comes to managing their finances. By understanding these reasons, you can provide better support and guidance without having to keep handing over your money all the time. 

For example:

• They may simply lack knowledge and awareness about how to manage money, such as budgeting and setting financial goals.
• They may not understand the concept of setting aside money for unexpected situations.
• They struggle with spending too much or have a lifestyle that exceeds their income.
• The desire to keep up with friends or maintain a certain image can lead to overspending.
• They may have accumulated debt from student loans, credit cards, or other sources.
• They may have an erratic income, through unemployment or inconsistent work.
• Addiction issues such as gambling or substance abuse could be draining their finances.
• Sometimes depression and anxiety can hinder good judgment or cause overspending as a way to compensate for feeling unhappy.
• They may have fallen victim to financial scams or fraud.
• It could be that they avoid managing money due to anxiety or fear of making mistakes.

Finding the balance between giving them money and encouraging them to be independent

Supporting your adult child financially is a genuine expression of love and care. As a parent, you, of course, want to ease their burdens, but it's crucial to find a balance that encourages their growth and independence. If you've found yourself in this situation, you're not alone. It’s often part of the process of them moving into a more independent phase of life. If your grown-up son or daughter keeps asking for money, the two most important factors for you to consider are setting boundaries and having good communication.

Setting boundaries around money

When it comes to money, setting healthy boundaries with your adult child can be challenging at first, especially if you've been used to providing for them over the years. But it's important to remember that boundaries really are the magical fairy dust to help you navigate your way through, so that you can have a much happier and stronger relationship in the long term.

You can think of boundaries as your personal rules. When your adult child asks for money, be clear about what you can and can't do. It doesn't mean you don't care; it's about protecting your own financial stability and your relationship.

Setting these boundaries helps them understand your limitations and encourages them to manage their finances independently, so that they become more confident and independent. In addition to setting boundaries, you can guide them on budgeting, saving, and setting financial goals to empower them to become more self-reliant.

Encourage them to explore opportunities to create income and educational programs that enhance their financial knowledge. Remember, providing support doesn't always have to be financial; offering guidance and non-financial assistance can be just as meaningful in nurturing your relationship.

How to communicate boundaries when your adult child keeps asking for money

Once you have your boundaries in mind the next step is to be able to communicate them clearly and confidently. And stick to them!

One of the things I’ve found when helping many clients over the years is that people struggle with expressing their boundaries around giving their grown-up child money. They can't find the right words or they struggle to express them. Clients tell me the following. Perhaps these will be familiar to you too:

I know what I need to say, but I just can't find the words to say it!

We start off in a normal conversation, but it ends up in a row.

We just keep repeating the same old argument over and over.

I intend to say 'no', but then guilt gets in the way, and I find myself saying 'yes' again.

I feel resentful and I don't like being that sort of person.

Its important that you think ahead about what you want to say. And, to be very clear on your boundaries. Take some time to write down what's important to you. Rehearse the words you want to say so that you're prepared ahead of time rather than trying to think on the spot.