Marléne Rose Shaw

More Confidence | Happier Relationships

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How To Become Master Of Your Feelings-Before They Become Master Of you!

Have you ever been in the following situation? Someone does something that upsets you and in an instant you feel emotions rushing through your body: rejection, humiliation, anger; all the bad stuff seems to appear out of nowhere and overwhelms you. It happens so fast that there's no time to stop and reflect on what you're doing and before you know it you've reacted badly. Then later you regret your behaviour and wish you’d done things differently.

It’s perfectly natural that all sorts of things can disturb our emotional equilibrium. 

It's only natural that our emotions can get the better of us sometimes. Here we are, existing together in this busy world. Our different personalities and different opinions about how life should be and what we want, means that we can sometimes clash.

It's okay for you to feel your feelings

I've found that sometimes people get confused about their feelings. They think that it's not okay to feel their feelings, especially if those feelings are negative. But as I tell my clients: it's always perfectly okay for you to feel your feelings. 

Any of your feelings are valid because they're an integral part of you as a human being. Even if those emotions seem extreme, or different to someone else's opinion of how they should be happening, they're still your own feelings and you’re still perfectly entitled to them. 

It's about becoming master of your own emotions

However, given that your feelings dictate the choices you make in life and the things that you do, it makes sense that when you’re in control of your feelings, you'll make better choices and do better things. 

So while I've said that your feelings are an integral part of being human, it's what you do with those feelings that makes the difference. For example it doesn't help to become so consumed by emotions that you react badly. It's not fair on another person to be on the receiving end of rage, resentment and defensiveness. And it certainly doesn't help any of us to resolve problems if our emotions are getting in the way of clear thinking. 

The mastery comes in first being able to recognise and allow your emotions as they come up. If you can do that they won't surprise you - you’ll have the time to think and behave in ways that help you rather than hinder you. You’ll feel more confident in any situation and with any person, regardless of what's going on.  

The mastery comes in first being able to recognise and allow your emotions as they come up. If you can do that they won't surprise you - you’ll have the time to think and behave in ways that help you rather than hinder you.

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Get your subconscious to work in your favour

Of course in the middle of some distressing experience there's no time to pause and reflect because our emotions can come upon us so quickly. It’s absurd to think that any of us could stop in the midst of an overwhelming experience and think, Oh, I wonder what I’m feeling right now?

What we can do however, is train ourselves to greatly reduce the likelihood of those emotions overwhelming us in the first place. We can do this by getting into a regular habit of checking in and asking: How am I feeling right now? 

The more you get into this habit, the more you’ll be teaching your subconscious to automatically think like this. Then you’ll find that whenever some distressing experience happens your thought process will quickly jump to:

  • What is this rush of emotion that's happening for me right now?

  • What can I do to help myself calm down?

  • What can I do differently that will bring about a positive outcome?

How am I feeling right now?  is the first question in my new book: 

7 Questions Highly Confident People Ask Themselves.

In the book I share 7 life-changing questions based on 25 years helping people gain confidence, find success and have great relationships.

Find out more here and get your free checklist for all 7 questions. 

7 Questions Highly Confident People Ask Themselves


How To Handle Rejection

What's been your experience of rejection? Do you handle it well or do you find it challenging? It's certainly a very painful emotion; it can knock your confidence and create a lot of anxiety in relationships.

Over the years, I've helped many people become much better at understanding and managing rejection so that they feel much more confident in their relationships.

I know that you can do this too!

Check out this week’s blog video for some great tips on how to handle rejection and get your free 7 step guide: How To Overcome Rejection

You Have More Courage Than You Think

Courage is something we all need at certain points in our lives. Some people seem to take everything in their stride, others find it harder to manage challenges.

I've found that people can sometimes get confused about what courage really means so they end up finding life much harder than it needs to be.

Watch this video to find out what real courage is and what it isn't. Discover how you have more courage than you may think.

One Big Reason You May Find It Hard To Set Boundaries


We all find it hard to set boundaries sometimes.

There are different reasons that we can struggle with this. 

One big reason is what I call Misplaced Empathy.

Empathy is a wonderful thing. We all want to be kind and considerate to others because we’ve had our own struggles  - so we don't like to see others suffering. 

But in our efforts to be kind and considerate we can sometimes go too far the other way. Then boundaries become blurred and we don't help the other person or ourselves.

Watch this video to find out how that happens, how you can set better boundaries, and still be truly kind to others in the process.


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Are You Addicted to Struggle?

To have a struggle mindset means we often approach life from the perspective of having to overcome hassles and burdens.  We don't tend to notice the easier path, because we're so busy firefighting and proving to ourselves that we can manage and cope and be resilient. 

And because we always take the harder path, we keep reinforcing the ingrained belief that life must be a struggle.

It's very common!

I have to confess this was me for a very long time, and over the years I've seen the same in so many of my clients; where fighting against the tide has become their normal way of life.

There's a good reason that we do this.

This ‘struggling on’ idea often starts very early in life. Many of us receive messages when we’re growing up that tell us it's not okay to take the easier path.

Things can happen in childhood that leaves a child believing that they have to be extra strong and rely on themselves.

Being overly resilient then becomes a sort of insurance. At some deep level they make the decision that if they can manage the hardest path in life then they can guarantee to manage anything  - so they’ll be okay whatever comes their way.

That makes a lot of sense in those early years when there's no other way to manage life.

By adulthood though it becomes a self-sabotaging pattern because all that efforting and battling on just places us under stress. It basically puts us in a constant state of survival so there's no room left to be calm and allow creativity to flow.

So while we may think that striving and proving will make us more confident and successful in life, all we’re really doing is struggling unnecessarily. 

Strange as this may sound though, struggling can become addictive because every time a problem comes up in life, the little child within can feel an excited anticipation that ‘here is a chance to prove I can cope with it!’

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Maybe you relate to this? If so, you're certainly not alone!

You can begin to break the cycle by soothing that little child within. When hardships loom, give them kind and loving words. Reassure then that life has moved on and they no longer have to be extra strong. There's nothing to prove.

Then ask yourself one of the powerful questions from the book: 7 Questions Highly Confident People Ask themselves.

That question is simply: What would this look like if it were easier? 

As you do so you’ll begin to relax, and inspired thinking and intuitive solutions will come to you.

That's what builds true confidence!

7 Questions Highly Confident People Ask Themselves

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