• Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Marléne Rose Shaw

More Confidence | Happier Relationships

  • Self help
    • How Assertive Are You? – Take The Quiz
    • Free Tips on Confidence and Relationships
    • 52 Power Phrases For Tricky Conversations
  • Books
    • How Kind People Get Tough
    • Out Of Fear Into Love
    • 7 Questions Highly Confident People Ask Themselves
  • 1:1 Sessions
    • For Individuals
    • For Couples
    • Clinical Supervision For Counsellors and Therapists
  • Courses
    • Self-Love Workshop
    • Say Goodbye To Anxiety
    • Overcome Your Blocks To Positive Changes
  • Step Into Your BOLD
  • Meet Marléne
    • Media Kit
    • Latest Interviews
    • Credentials
  • Podcast
  • Contact

How To Talk About Sensitive Issues With The People You Love

There are times when we need to say something sensitive or even challenging to someone we love. It may be something which is upsetting us, a concern about their well-being, or something that's impacting our relationship with them. The problem is that the more important the message, and the closer we are to that person, the riskier it can feel to say what we need to say.

Humans are social beings. We’re hardwired to try and avoid separation from others because we have an innate fear of being “cast out of the tribe" - left isolated and defenceless. That's why we often find it risky to communicate sensitive topics with people we care about – because deep down we fear losing them.

Here are some tips to help you say what you need to say to those you love, in ways that are less risky, and more likely to have a positive outcome.

Choose the Best Method of Communication

Have a think about the best method to communicate what you want to say. Instant Message may seem quick and easy, but it can also be misread. There’s no tone of voice or body language in those types of messages, so the reader will put their own interpretation on it.

For example, how do you read the following:

'Why don’t you come and visit?'

It could be a suggestion, as in, 'It would be nice to see you.'

Or it could be a complaint, as in, 'You never come to see me!'

So it’s always a good idea to communicate about sensitive subjects in person. However, if emotions are running high, it may be better to initially communicate via a note or email. Be sure to explain clearly so that your meaning cannot be misinterpreted. Invite the person to have a conversation with you.

Sandwich Your Feedback

Sandwiching feedback is a great way to minimise the impact of communicating sensitive messages. Basically, it works like this

  1. State something positive that you admire or respect in the person
  2. State the issue at hand, firmly.
  3. Follow up with a positive statement about how taking on board the message will help.

Stay On topic

Try to be as specific, concise and non-judgmental as possible; avoid using words and phrases such as:

Maybe, Perhaps, But, However, You always, You never, Why can’t you ....

Prepare Ahead Of time

Always let a person know that you want to discuss something sensitive before launching into it. You may have been thinking about this conversation for a while, but the other person may not be prepared for it at all. Suddenly launching into it will not help matters and it's unfair on them.

So arrange the best time to discuss something, a time when both of you can focus and be prepared.

Phrases such as

‘I need to talk about something that’s worrying me, is now a good time or could we set aside a time later?’

These types of openings work wonders in showing respect for the other person and being able to discuss the issue in a calm and positive manner.

Rehearse

There’s a lot to be said for rehearsing a conversation before you have it. Rehearse the conversation over in your mind, or even place a cushion on a chair and imagine you are talking to the person. As you rehearse, you’ll be able to spot areas where your message needs to be made more clear. It will also highlight areas where your fears and worries are based on past issues rather than current ones so that you can separate these out in your mind.

If you are going to be speaking on the phone, write a list of the main points you want to make. Keep that list by you so that you can refer to it if emotions are running high. This will help you remain calm and focused on the issue at hand.

Be Kind and Empathise

Stay away from accusations. Accusations are direct attacks on the other person – all this will do is demotivate them.

No matter how much you disagree with another person’s point of view, it is their point of view. Try to imagine what it is like to walk in their shoes, make it clear that you are willing to do so - before also putting your own thoughts across.

Use phrases such as:

'We both have our own point of view and that is ok.'

'I accept that this is how you feel even though it is different to how I feel.'

Don't worry if those phrases sound strange or a bit wooden, they work. Plus, you'll get better at them with practice. 

Practice these tips and you'll find you get closer to the ones you love because now your relationship is based  on authenticity - that's makes for amazing connection in any type of relationship.

Related posts:

  1. How to Break the Bickering Habit
  2. Why Saying ‘You Make Me Feel’ Won’t Get You Very Far
  3. Are You An Active Or A Passive Listener?
  4. 3 Effective Ways to Get Good at Saying No

Primary Sidebar

Sign up here for your Love and Wisdom tips for more confidence and happier relationships

Gain Confidence
FIND OUT HERE

How Kind People Get Tough

How Kind People Get Tough

Based on more than 25 years helping clients gain confidence, happier relationships and more fulfilling lives.

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely fantastic read!

All I can say is this book has been one of the best in it`s field that I have ever read. It’s a modern day elite toolkit for surviving life. Very well done Marléne!

5.0 out of 5 stars I highly recommend this book.

I couldn't put this book down. The Author doesn't overwhelm you with too much information- each section is easy to understand and you are instilled with an understanding of the correct ways to become more assertive. I very soon noticed a difference in my own communications with others when I practised the given techniques, - I've loads to learn but the confidence obtained in trying is a huge boost. I'm eagerly looking forward to more insightful reading from Marléne Rose Shaw.

GET YOUR COPY HERE

5.0 out of 5 stars A powerful, life-changing book

What an amazing read this book is. The author has given those of us who struggle with confidence issues the tools to change our lives around and become the person we've always wanted to be. Thank you for your words of wisdom Marléne. I will always be grateful.

5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!!

I highly recommend this book. It's full of insight and case studies that are very relatable. Read this book to change your life for the better. It's a good book to dip back into as well. Well done to the author for another fabulous book.

5.0 out of 5 stars Layers of supportive writing and materials

Such a well written book with layers of support in the advice and case studies. so helpful for all kinds of relationships and communication. Marlene’s 2nd book is a must have for successful communication and outcomes in life. Thank you

GET YOUR COPY

Footer

Services

  • Therapy for Individuals
  • Therapy for Couples
  • Workshops and groups
  • Clinical Supervision for Counsellors and Therapists
  • Book Writing Coaching for Counsellors

Resources

  • Books
  • Power Phrases
  • Beliefs Discovery Quiz
  • 5 Self Kindness Practices

Media Kit

  • About Marléne
  • Latest Interviews
  • Media Kit

Copyright © 2022 www.marleneroseshaw.com

Before You Go ...

Hi, I'm Marléne Rose Shaw

My aim is to help as many people as possible. To do so I need to know why people are visiting the website and what transformation they are looking for.

Before you go, can you help me to help more people by answering 5 short questions?

Yes I will answer your 5 short questions
No thank you
x